Meet Mr. Phileas Plant, Resident Botanist

The Plantry Plant Co. · Personnel File No. 002

Mr. Phileas Plant

Resident Botanist

A note on this file —

Every personnel file in this company has been written by Mr. Phileas Plant. He composed Winston's with evident relish. He has drafted Silas's twice and discarded it twice ("the subject kept napping through the sittings"). But when asked to file his own, he pleaded modesty, pressing matters in the propagation trays, and, on one occasion, "a fern emergency."

We have therefore written it for him. He is permitted to object in the margins.

The Particulars

  • Title: Resident Botanist & Keeper of the Field Notes
  • Nature: Part gentleman, part plant. He declines to specify the proportions.
  • Attire: A brass monocle (prescription: curiosity) and, on expedition days, a very serious hat.
  • Headquarters: The greenhouse at Liberty, Indiana, in the company of Winston (Chief Exploration Companion) and Silas (Assistant Companion, availability pending).
  • Known for: Telling the truth about plants — including, and especially, when he is not certain.

Duties of the Office

Duty the First — The Introductions. Every plant that passes through the greenhouse receives a proper written introduction. You have read his work on every product page; he considers each one a letter of reference for a friend.

Duty the Second — The Dispatch. His letters — new arrivals, care secrets, seasonal observations — go out to subscribers of The Plantry Dispatch. He signs each one personally. It takes ages.

Duty the Third — Honest Botany. His governing principle, posted above his desk: "A wrong confident answer is far worse than an honest 'I am not fully sure.'" He applies it to identifications, to care advice, and to his opinions on ferns.

Duty the Fourth — Fieldwork. He is presently learning to travel in coat pockets. More on this soon — he has been sworn to secrecy and is very bad at it.

Marginal note, in a careful hand: "The file is broadly accurate, though generous. The hat is not that serious. — P.P."

🌿

— Filed by the management, with affection, and over the subject's objections